How to Gain Calm
Are there certain people or situations that trigger a response in you and make it difficult for you to keep your cool?
Equanimity is mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper especially in a difficult situation. It underpins the many facets of emotional intelligence which has been proven as the number one characteristic of the best leaders. Learning to not be emotionally reactive when you feel undermined or attacked takes training and a lot of restraint and practice.
Achieving equanimity requires keeping the concept in your conscious mind — especially when you feel a physiological response kicking in. And often people will push your buttons intentionally hoping to provoke a reaction. We all have a few people who are really good at pushing our buttons and getting under our skin. Some ways to achieve equanimity:
1. Visualize your vegus nerve, breathe, and let ‘it’ go. Focus on your breathing and neutral things while counting backwards from ten and then coaching yourself in the third person.
2. Take control of your Amygdala - the fight-or-flight response that kicks in and creates that rush of adrenaline and other hormones. Take three diaphragmatic breaths and capture the cues consciously so you are able to deal with after you have calmed down.
3. Break the nasty loops that repeat themselves and can spiral out of control and destroy social connectivity.
4. Physical activity and meditation are also pathways. Everyone needs an outlet to stop cortisol from building up and to work through the dynamics of a conflict.
I know that keeping your cool when someone really pushes your buttons takes a ton of mental willpower and mindfulness. Learning how-to practice equanimity takes work, but it is always in everyone's best interest.
Many studies have shown that mindfulness along with loving-kindness meditation can rewire your brain. Take a few minutes every day to sit quietly and systematically send loving and compassionate thoughts to:
Family and friends
Someone with whom you have tension or a conflict
Strangers around the world who are suffering
Yourself
Doing this literally rewires your brain by engaging neural connections linked to empathy. Yes, it takes mental toughness to be nice sometimes. Especially when others attack or judge you.
Mindfulness has a measurable outcome. This concept encompasses multiple components, some of which may be better realized as we achieve equanimity.