ENHANCING RELATIONSHIPS

My son gave me a subscription to Storyworth. It is an online ‘diary’ that I wish I would have had for my dad and mom. The sender selects questions they want to know about your life and thoughts on a weekly basis for both Jane and myself. At the end we all get a bound book.

Relationship advice was the last topic that thousands have written about, yet few follow the advice even if it is their own.

I believe there are 4 parts to a healthy relationship:

Appreciation: I appreciate you for who you are, not what you do. It is important to share each other’s dreams and especially values and be encouraging and supportive in the pursuit of their voice and passion. Write down your values and compare and agree on them. Shared mutual values. After the heat of a moment, go back to see where you might have compromised your values.

Realistic Expectations: Awareness that no one person can meet all of our needs. We all need alone time, and times to be able to communicate with each other and others who have a different viewpoint or expand our own. You need to take time to examine the battles verses the war to eliminate the things that really don’t matter and some of the distractions. We need others in our lives where we can be open and honest with each other and hear and solicit real feedback - not just platitudes.

Openness: An ability to be curious, vulnerable, and emotionally connected. This involves active listening and avoiding assumptions. We need to express our true feelings, without judgement, yet with resolve to discover and address the real underlying cause not just the feeling in the moment. We need to connect on both the physical and emotional level which entails being vulnerable and really addressing the hard stuff from our past and the present together.

Safety during conflict: The ability to disagree without shaming, punishment, or harsh judgement. This entails valuing assumptions and supporting one another. Finding common ground and remaining calm in the moment. (This also has to do with intonation and frequency. I think I am responding in a calm way in my voice, but others can sense my intonation and frequency being off.) Also, seek compromise and focus on the things that you agree on first.  

Whether it's a romantic partnership, a friendship, or a family bond, cultivating healthy relationships requires effort, understanding, and respect.